I try not to twitch when I see human activity that does not involve me. I stare at the picture and i try to pretend that its just a picture, nothing more nothing less. I am a figure, standing there viewing a portrait of life but I am away from it as I am just a mere observer. I observe, I interpret but I do not interact. And it hurts. Sometimes. To feel that way, separate and alone. They say learn to ignore it, to see it as nothing, nothing that can affect you. But its hard. Its hard because at the end of it all, its just loneliness.
Conversations in my head
I talk to myself because there's no one else to talk to
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Monday, September 12, 2005
I can't stop thinking of lost chances, missed opportunities, the what ifs the what nots. I wish i can turn back time and put right the things that went wrong. I wish I can wake up today with her in my arms, I wish I didn't blow up the only chance I had for happiness. How can I write when I look, when I am aware that everything i think or do revolves around the same theme, that of lost love, that of death, that of the impossible. I am discontented with what I have. I know I have more than most. But somehow it just isn't enough and I know it will never be enough, because I lost my dream, and like the fleeting, it will never come back. I can only live with the emptiness, the monotony and the self awareness that its all gone.